Hope your good.
I thought I’d continue where I left off last time.
The recovery room.
Space for two beds.
We were the only family there. Family. My own little family. I’d have to get used to saying that.
I was cradling Wills – skin to skin, it was amazing. Best feeling ever.
We had someone come see us to try and teach me how to breast feed which was interesting.
I attempted to eat lunch – a scotch egg salad 😕. Fun food in hospital.
Luke, Wills and I bonded mostly and to be honest I can’t remember much of that room. We were there 12 hours but I can just remember holding him.
We were moved to ward 33 with the rest of the new mothers.
I couldn’t move. The pain was bad, I couldn’t sit up, I couldn’t turn over. And believe me I tried. So Luke was very hands on with William.
William started chocking on mucus and Luke was trying everything to help get it out and I was screaming for help and pressing the help button.
Eventually a midwife came to help us. We got him over it and he was put back on my chest.
Luke was very overwhelmed by it and got quite emotional and had to step outside the ward. It’s horrible not being able to help. I was literally sat there watching it unfold. And it’s even worse for Luke who had never held a baby before let alone wind one.
He was about to come in when I was offered a bedside wash. What? It’s not like I could get up and have a shower or bath!
My parents came to see us just as they finished making me smell slightly better.
There is nothing like seeing your parents hold your son. It was beautiful.
Eventually my Mum, dad and Luke left me and William for the evening.
That’s when it all kicked off.
I was constantly shouting for help. He was constantly choking on mucus. When babies are born naturally the mucus lining their lungs gets pushed out as they pop out. Where as when they are pulled out they don’t get that chance.
A few midwives started coming to my bed. Packing my stuff and putting it on my bed. They where wheeling me down to ward 31.
Your just to sick for us to look after you properly. You need one on one care. And we can’t provide it for you
So off we went. Now ward 31 was where I spent some of my pregnancy towards the end. It’s where you go to get checked up on if your at all worried and think your in early stages of labour but not ready for the delivery suite yet.
I was given the space of two bed as I was in a very large bed still. It’s a smaller environment as well and I was in view of the midwife station. They really looked after me there. They told my neighbours to turn of their music – even though I didn’t ask them to. But bear in mind this was after midnight.
They did tell me off however as I had my little one on my chest and I was constantly falling asleep. But it was easier for my this way as I couldn’t reach to get him when he was being sick.
Eventually the midwife took him from me to let me sleep and feed him and cuddle him at the front desk. And although I missed part of our first night. I really needed that sleep and help. Can’t thank them enough.
Guess what? I got another sponge bath! And a new hospital gown. 5 star treatment! I was also moved again to the delivery suite.
Where I met a student midwife and another senior midwife. They were lovely. But by this point I was mostly out of it. They were speaking to me one minute and the next minute I looked at them and they were making notes. Apparently I zoned out a lot. I had a nap.
When I woke up. There were 5 doctors leaning over me. Discussing my breathing and my heart rate.
To be honest I felt fine – looking back now I was fucked.
I just thought, I’d just had quite an intense operation, had a baby and lost two litres of blood.
“Your not quite breathing right”
“Your resting heart rate is 115bpm. That’s not normal. And your lying down.”
I was just like – I always breath this heavy. No i didn’t.
Luk turned up half way through.
“You might have a blood clot. We want to do a CT scan and a ECG”
They left us to do the rest of the rounds.
Luke came straight for a cuddle. With Wills. Lol.
And along came the pediatrician. She checked over Wills and was quite worried about the mucus, and he was turning slightly yellow. Jaundis.
She left us for an hour saying if he didn’t finish 10 MLs of milk within an hour then will discuss it more…
The student midwife tried feeding him as I was completed out of it.
William barely had 5 Mls by the time the hour was out and the pediatrician decided he needed to go to Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.
At that same time the porters where turning up to take me to do the CT scan.
I literally went right and William went left.
I was in hysterics. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Yes he was going to the best part of the hospital for him. But I still couldn’t move and still in the huge hospital bed.
Luke didn’t know what to do, where to go. Stay with me? Stay with William?
“Go with William. I am fine he needs you more and you can talk to the Drs”
I also asked him to tell our parents as I couldn’t handle that as well.
I had my scan. The midwife who came with me to the CT scan was amazing and really looked after me and calmed me down.
We talked about everything and anything.
But my god the journey was painful. So very painful. Every bump.every turn. Just OUCH.
But we got there- to the main part of the hospital.
I got put onto a bouncy castle type pulley to get me on to the CT scanner. I think that was the highlight of the trip there.
When we got back I had a new midwife who gave me an ECG which was normal.
She managed to get me in to a chair and help me walk two paces to get there.
FUCK! The pain is undescribable and plus I hadn’t walked in about 36 hours.
As I was in the chair my mum came to see me and help me in to the wheelchair so I could be wheeled to see my son.
As we were pushed by new favourite midwife at this point. I saw Lukes twin sitting outside the ward. She wasn’t allowed in to NICU only grandparents were allowed in other then parents.
My mum helped wheel us in.
Wash your hands first and sanitise.
There were incubators everywhere. Twins, premature babies. Under 4b babies.
I saw Lukes mum and said hello. But as soon as I saw my son in his incubator I burst into sobs and just had to hold him.