Posted in birth, ceserean, epidural, mother, mummy, pregnancy, Uncategorized

The Recovery…¬†

Hi all!
Hope your good.
I thought I’d continue where I left off last time.
The recovery room.

Space for two beds.

We were the only family there. Family. My own little family. I’d have to get used to saying that.
I was cradling Wills – skin to skin, it was amazing. Best feeling ever.

We had someone come see us to try and teach me how to breast feed which was interesting.
I attempted to eat lunch – a scotch egg salad ūüėē. Fun food in hospital.
Luke, Wills and I bonded mostly and to be honest I can’t remember much of that room. We were there 12 hours but I can just remember holding him.
We were moved to ward 33 with the rest of the new mothers.
I couldn’t move. The pain was bad, I couldn’t sit up, I couldn’t turn over. And believe me I tried. So Luke was very hands on with William.

William started chocking on mucus and Luke was trying everything to help get it out and I was screaming for help and pressing the help button.
Eventually a midwife came to help us. We got him over it and he was put back on my chest.
Luke was very overwhelmed by it and got quite emotional and had to step outside the ward. It’s horrible not being able to help. I was literally sat there watching it unfold. And it’s even worse for Luke who had never held a baby before let alone wind one.
He was about to come in when I was offered a bedside wash. What? It’s not like I could get up and have a shower or bath!
My parents came to see us just as they finished making me smell slightly better.
There is nothing like seeing your parents hold your son. It was beautiful.

Eventually my Mum, dad and Luke left me and William for the evening.
That’s when it all kicked off.
I was constantly shouting for help. He was constantly choking on mucus. When babies are born naturally the mucus lining their lungs gets pushed out as they pop out. Where as when they are pulled out they don’t get that chance.
A few midwives started coming to my bed. Packing my stuff and putting it on my bed. They where wheeling me down to  ward 31.

Your just to sick for us to look after you properly. You need one on one care. And we can’t provide it for you

So off we went. Now ward 31 was where I spent some of my pregnancy towards the end. It’s where you go to get checked up on if your at all worried and think your in early stages of labour but not ready for the delivery suite yet.
I was given the space of two bed as I was in a very large bed still. It’s a smaller environment as well and I was in view of the midwife station. They really looked after me there. They told my neighbours to turn of their music – even though I didn’t ask them to. But bear in mind this was after midnight.
They did tell me off however as I had my little one on my chest and I was constantly falling asleep. But it was easier for my this way as I couldn’t reach to get him when he was being sick.
Eventually the midwife took him from me to let me sleep and feed him and cuddle him at the front desk. And although I missed part of our first night. I really needed that sleep and help. Can’t thank them enough.
Guess what? I got another sponge bath! And a new hospital gown. 5 star treatment!  I was also moved again to the delivery suite.
Where I met a student midwife and another senior midwife. They were lovely. But by this point I was mostly out of it. They were speaking to me one minute and the next minute I looked at them and they were making notes. Apparently I zoned out a lot. I had a nap.
When I woke up. There were 5 doctors leaning over me. Discussing my breathing and my heart rate.
To be honest I felt fine – looking back now I was fucked.
I just thought, I’d just had quite an intense operation, had a baby and lost two litres of blood.
“Your not quite breathing right”

“Your resting heart rate is 115bpm. That’s not normal. And your lying down.”
I was just like – I always breath this heavy. No i didn’t.
Luk turned up half way through.
“You might have a blood clot. We want to do a CT scan and a ECG”
They left us to do the rest of the rounds.
Luke came straight for a cuddle. With Wills. Lol.
And along came the pediatrician. She checked over Wills and was quite worried about the mucus, and he was turning slightly yellow. Jaundis.
She left us for an hour saying if he didn’t finish 10 MLs of milk within an hour then will discuss it more…
The student midwife tried feeding him as I was completed out of it.
William barely had 5 Mls by the time the hour was out and the pediatrician decided he needed to go to Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.
At that same time the porters where turning up to take me to do the CT scan.
I literally went right and William went left.

I was in hysterics. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Yes he was going to the best part of the hospital for him. But I still couldn’t move and still in the huge hospital bed.

Luke didn’t know what to do, where to go. Stay with me? Stay with William?
“Go with William. I am fine he needs you more and you can talk to the Drs”
I also asked him to tell our parents as I couldn’t handle that as well.

I had my scan. The midwife who came with me to the CT scan was amazing and really looked after me and calmed me down.
We talked about everything and anything.
But my god the journey was painful. So very painful. Every bump.every turn. Just OUCH.
But we got there- to the main part of the hospital.
I got put onto a bouncy castle type pulley to get me on to the CT scanner. I think that was the highlight of the trip there.
When we got back I had a new midwife who gave me an ECG which was normal.

She managed to get me in to a chair and help me walk two paces to get there.
FUCK! The pain is undescribable and plus I hadn’t walked in about 36 hours.
As I was in the chair my mum came to see me and help me in to the wheelchair so I could be wheeled to see my son.
As we were pushed by new favourite midwife at this point. I saw Lukes twin sitting outside the ward. She wasn’t allowed in to NICU only grandparents were allowed in other then parents.
My mum helped wheel us in.

Wash your hands first and sanitise.
There were incubators everywhere. Twins, premature babies. Under 4b babies.
I saw Lukes mum and said hello. But as soon as I saw my son in his incubator I burst into sobs and just had to hold him.

I don’t even remember saying goodbye to anyone. Just held my boy.
This was quite emotional to write.
I will continue it later.

H xxx

Posted in birth, ceserean, epidural, mother, mummy, pregnancy, Uncategorized

The Birth…

Hi Guys,


I hope you all had a lovely weekend. Today’s post is about my birthing experience – the days leading up to it and the days after.


It’s a long one folks- hope you enjoy it.


I won’t lie it was a traumatic experience and we are still waiting for more answers. I am meeting with my consultant this week to get some and was told to right down any questions I had. So that made me go over every thing that had happened again to make sure I thought of everything.


Wednesday 25th May – 2 days overdue. Went to my routine midwife appointment. As usual I had high blood pressure, protein in my wee and infant tachycardia (the bubbas heart-rate was very fast). So again I was sent to the Day Assessment Unit – all the nurses there are lovely, but not somewhere I wanted to spend another Wednesday. Send me home but had to see the midwife every two days to keep an eye one me and booked me in to be induced on Tuesday¬†31st May. Saw midwife Friday wasn’t great but didn’t have to go to the hospital so went and got my hair done. Which was really needed – the grey’s were coming through!!


Sunday  29th May Рmidwife check up in the hospital. High blood pressure, Protein etc etc etc etc.




To be induced the next day.


Dr wanted to send me home and to come back the following day – HELL NO!


Let’s get this baby out… ASAP.


But because she wanted me to go home (and probably ¬†forgot ¬†– I was very suspicious of all the Dr’s motives by this point) she didn’t put me down for it to start ASAP Monday morning so I had to wait for another Dr to do it for me – at lunch time.


I needed to have the pessary – and let me tell you this midwives are very gentle, Dr’s not so much. ¬†The swearing begun for a minute.


I expected it to kick in straight away. Luke expected it too as well. He left my side at 9.


The midwife told me off for still being awake and watching a movie at 11pm as it could kick in any moment and I would need my energy…


Could I sleep? Nope.


Cut to 2am – SHIT. This hurts. I was only 2-3 cms dilated (not a lot at all – considering you have to reach 10 cms). The contractions are about 5 minutes apart.


I am pacing my bed space which isn’t very big. pressing the button every 5 minutes for medication. I was given Paracetamol, pethine… I think codeine at one point but I can’t remember.


I had the pessary removed.


“What had I gotten myself into?”


I was put on a monitor.


“Can I have a C-section now? I want one now!”

“Harley, you are only 2-3 cms. you don’t want a c-section. ¬†you can do this”


FYI being induced is different to natural labor as your body doesn’t build up to the full pelt contractions where as with the pessary – BAM!


That’s when I was given Gas and Air – I hated it… didn’t do fuck all.


Went for a nice warm bath – fell asleep for 5 minutes I think. woke up. fell asleep. woke up.


Got out as a prune.


Moaned even more.


Epidural booked in the delivery suite.


“Where’s Luke?”


Luke turns up just in time.


In the delivery suite. Meet first Midwife – lovely girl -can’t remember much of her.


Lot’s of pain.. etc etc etc.


Epidural – HALLELUJAH.


Favorite thing in the whole world. get one. do it. you want it. don’t be brave. I want one now. They are amazing. They should make a form for period pains. Absolutely brilliant.


Next Midwife – lovely. but not much was happening at this point. so just chatted about stuff.



Every half an hour – top me up with the drugs. It was like clock work.


Had to have my waters broken.


Top me up!


Hormone Drip – don’t remember it but I had it done.


Top me up!


Oh and I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink.


Top me up!


The third and final midwife. Lovely. Amazing. Got us through a difficult time.


By this point I am zoning in and out and don’t remember much. Think I went septic – again. I remember my contractions were coupling. one after another after another.


Now this is where I was in ignorant bliss. Just because your high as a kite with the amazing epidural your body is still doing hard work. It is still under immense stress and still contracting.


My body was working overtime. It wanted bubba out now. But did he want to come out yet? Nope. Past midnight and my little one was being stubborn and throwing a temper tantrum. Luke recalls our midwife starting to get a bit stressed as well.


I was out of it – 30 minutes up yet? Top me up bitches!


I get examined – 7 cms. Where’s his head?


In comes the consultant.


“Harley, baby’s in position, but his head is banging against your pelvic bone. We recommend having an urgent cesarean now. However, there is a chance he will progress and if he hasn’t in four hours we might have to do an emergency cesarean. But we can wait. It is up to you both.”


The medical professional couldn’t give us their own opinion but gave us pros and cons to going for it and for waiting.


They gave us a few minutes to think about it. But ultimately concluded to having it done now. There could be more risks to waiting. And am I glad we chose to get it done then. They came back in,

“If we encounter a situation we have a consultant on call, and another consultant in the hospital who will be here asap to make sure we deal with it properly etc etc.” or something to that degree. I signed a disclaimer and they were off to get the theater ready.


“What are we going to call him, Luke? Noah or William? William or Noah? He will be here soon for definite.”


“William.” “William?” “William!”


Sorted we had a name, I was being wheeled to theater. Perfect. Let’s get this baby out of me!

Luke birth

The anesthetist my new best friend. Guess what he did? ¬†Gave me more epidural. The bestest friend to have in the world at that point. Luke and I both said, if it wasn’t for him we would of been nervous wrecks.

“Need any more epidoodle? Your doing great. Are you ready to be parents?” and other light hearted questions.


It is the most surrealist feeling in the world. because although you can’t feel pain or exactly what they are doing to you. But you can feel pressure, heaviness and pulling. God the pulling. Thank god for the epidural.


  1. 2. 3.




“It’s a boy”


I look to Luke who bursts into tears – which makes me cry.

will birth

They show him to me, before they take him away to get checked out and to be put on the same antibiotics as me.


The first thing I see of my son? The first image of him imprinted on my brain?


His balls.


Yup. that’s the first thing I see. But that’s the least of my problems.


“Get the consultant!”


“What’s going on?” I feel my self getting weak and feeling a bit sick.


“Get the blood. she needs a transfusion asap.”


The anesthetist is the only one talking to me as everyone is busy and they had spoken to Luke. “It’s okay you’ve just lost some blood and they are giving you some more to top you up. Just breath. Your son is perfect and will be with you soon. Want more epidoodle?”


And then in came William John, with his antibiotics all sorted and had been checked over.


They stitch me up and wheel us to recovery where I spend all day.


And I think I will leave the rest for another post as I have written way more then I expected too and there is still loads to go through!!

will bith


Thanks for sticking with it and reading 1358 words



H, L and W xxxx






Posted in Beauty, mother, mummy, Plus size Fashion, Uncategorized

My Pregnancy…

I thought I would write about my pregnancy.

  1. because a lot happened
  2. sometimes I only remember the bad
  3. i want to remember the good


So as you saw I found out at 11 weeks. Now I know many didn’t believe how I could of known so late on in the pregnancy. Especially some close to us. But I have never been regular. And as I said I was very ill leading up to finding out. And I just didn’t know and I didn’t even think it was possible.

I most certainly did not know and keep it a secret from Luke.

A lot of bad stuff happened and that included comments made regarding the above.

I have to admit I didn’t get to enjoy my pregnancy as much as I really should have. I wish I could turn back time and say to myself that it was okay to be happy about the pregnancy at the beginning who cares if people are judging you. You already love this baby. Who cares about anyone else. But I was hormonal and every comment hurt. Every single one. And that is all I will say on that matter.


Whilst I was going through the second trimester Luke was completing on the house and gutting and decorating it so it was livable. And I barely saw him from boxing day to March when we moved in. And as you can imagine I was a hormonal pregnant woman / monster sometimes. Because he was working so hard doing the house up – and to be honest i wasn’t appreciating it as much as i should, but he was missing all the good stuff which made this journey real. Like the first kick, somersault, morning sickness etc. but he did an exceptional job on our home.


The fights we had were legendary. Especially on Boxing day. It was meant to be a lovely day, Christmas presents exchanged and he was going to stay over and just spend some quality time together. Instead he went to the pub to meet his mates. I know it shouldn’t of been a big deal but to me, pregnant over Christmas wanting to spend it together before our little bear came along, was very upset. Lets just say I didn’t win that one.


Work were great during the pregnancy especially since I’d only been there a few months. Especially with all my hospital appointment. But I did take my maternity leave early. And thank god I did. I was in and out of hospital every week with High Blood Pressure and high protein, infant tachycardia (babies heart rate was high). I think I know every Midwife in the L&D hospital now.

I also went septic over my 25th birthday with a bad kidney infections. So an overnight stay was called for. Which was always fun. The Maternity unit were amazing to me in the L & D cannot fault them and am for once so glad I live in Luton.


I was told several different things by the consultants. I didn’t have preeclampsia, I did have pre eclampsia, I didn’t have preeclampsia. and it went round in circles. round and round. I was told I shouldn’t go over my due date and to book me in for an induction but my main consultant wouldn’t let me and thought “you can go for another week”. Another week?! Were they mad? ¬†I went a week and a half over due and that caused even more complications during birth. But that’s for another blog post.


I should end this post on a high note. Feeling my baby move in my belly was the best feeling ever. The constant comfort from a kick, a punch and roll felt amazing – even in the bladder at 2 o’clock in the morning. I remember the feel of ¬†him having hiccups was the most surreal feel, it was like a tiny constant heart beat. He would dance in my belly also. Fleetwood Mac, Maroon 5 and Busted were some of his favorites to name a few. It made everything worth while. That in even on one of my bad days I would put my hand to my belly and just feel the firmness of his bum and back and know that this was going to be the best thing to ever happen to me.


God I love my son, my family and our home.


Love H x


Posted in Beauty, Fashion, mother, mummy, Plus size Fashion

I’m back….

Well I have left this blog unattended now for a year and a half.

It has been a very busy year and a half, where a lot has got on top of me. And maybe I should of used this blog as a way of venting when I needed to – but instead I let life happen until I got to where I am now.

A happy place.
Firstly in July 2015 I got a new job in Recruitment, which I really enjoy and can see blossoming into a great career.

I was loving life, I had a great boyfriend, new career prospects and my boyfriend was looking to buy a house to start our future properly.
Then in August 2015 Luke and I went on holiday with my family to South of France and had an amazing holiday. Drank, ate and got a burnt bum – how? I don’t know? We spent lots of euros and gained lots of pounds. Well France is known for cheese and wine and fine dining.

How was I to know our lives where going to change drastically after that?
We both went back to work and got on with our day to day lives. Luke was searching for houses and I was getting to grips with my new role.
Around October 2015 I got a chest infection – a really bad chest infection. I recovered but didn’t really get over it and was starting to feel under the weather. Headaches, exhaustion and nausea to name a few.
It was Friday October 30th ( I remember because the next day was Halloween and I was meant to be going to an epic party with work) I got up to go to work – exhausted still. And I was moaning to my mum about the exhaustion and she of the cuff said “your not pregnant are you?” I was like naaaw, I can’t be. I was under the impression that I couldn’t have children- and if I could it would be hard work.
That Night I was going out to dinner with my friend and we decided to do a test just to make sure. I went home and did it by myself and low and behold… Two pink lines.

I was pregnant.





We were just starting. 3 years together. Looking for new homes. And bang – baby!

Let’s just say I’ve never seen someone go green, white, green, white in such a quick succession. I think he threw up his McDonald’s on the way home.
That week I had pains. Went hospital. Had an early scan and found out I was 11 weeks pregnant.

How the fuck did that happen? Well obviously we know how it happened. But shit.

Most memorable holiday EVER!
So there you have it I’m now on maternity leave with an 8 week old baby boy called William John and in our new home!

Expect more blog posts with more details about all the above and my new adventures….

H x

Posted in Beauty, Fashion, Plus size Fashion

Hump Day Post

Happy Wednesday… Two days till the weekend is upon us…



Dress – Very

Belt – NewLook

Shoes – Ebay

Tights – NewLook – THE BEST TIGHTS EVER!! I Mean seriously Amazing, leg sculpting, bum lifting, thigh clenching AMAZING.. Get some!



(excuse the face LOL)

This week I have been putting together my bed mostly by myself…

I am an independent woman! WOO

It was long and hard waiting for the bed to arrive and it took alot of angry phone calls to get it on time.

I even had to sleep on the mattress on my floor for a night (AN- backpain)

mettress bedfeeeet

Still Waiting


And waiting….

And it begins..

putting bed together

But First Let Me Take A Selfie – in the bed frame!


FINISHED – So Purdy.

So obviously not an exciting post – well for you guys anyway.. BUT I BUILT A BED!

Mostly on my own… wooo who needs men anyways.. pffft.

So here’s to the fricking weekend.. i’ll drink to that


Peace out Loves ‚̧

Posted in Beauty, Fashion, Plus size Fashion

Shopping, Coffee, Double Dates, Steak and Cocktails

Good Evening!

So it is Sunday and time for the new blog.

This weekend I have been busier than I first thought I would be.

Saturday Outfit of the Day


(Check out the Superman pose)

Saturday Hair & Face of the day


I was feeling the sunny weather this weekend

With an unplanned shopping trip to St Albans I picked up some lovely bits in the New Look Sale.. Some more heeled Chelsea boots that I just couldn’t resist. I have an addiction I swear!!! I also picked up some cute little ankle socks which I think will look amazing with some of my spring/summer dresses (which you can see below).

 IMG_3085 IMG_3084 IMG_3083

Saturday evening me and the boyfriend went on a Double Date with My bestie and her friend. (who we (me and bf) love btw).

Saturday Eve Outfit Of The Day


Face and Hair of The Day


You will notice in most of my outfits that I mostly wear skater dresses. That’s because I feel it flatters my figure more and shows of my¬†assets¬†more and hides the lumps and bumps I have. To prove it I will show you that my “top” is actually a Dress.


See ^^ Now I teamed this dress up with the black skater skirt and and the black and gold belt.


See!It works perfectly .. well for me any way.. and that’s the most important thing… be COMFORTABLE within yourself.

It doesn’t matter what your hair, makeup or clothes look like as long as your comfortable within your self. Its taken me 23 years and i’m still working on it! So find your own style that suits you, your shape and your personality.

It also doesn’t matter if your different to your friends, they are your friends for a reason! I have beautiful amazing friends – and that’s because they are there for me and will always be. They build me up to keep me up and I do the same for them. If I am in the wrong they call me out on it and it goes both ways!

Wow where did that come from? Anway’s on to the light-hearted stuff

We went to a really amazing steak place – although they didn’t serve alcohol it was a lovely restaurant and amazing!!

We then went for a couple of cocktails – French Martinis All Round!! (and maybe a jaeger bomb or two)

I have got to tell you I am the worst drunk at the moment. I don’t know how it has happened but I just can’t seem to handle it!

IMG_2970 IMG_2973  IMG_2928IMG_2994


Oh my god.. today I was dieing… not gonna lie.

I had to wash my hair and I really really didn’t want to.

My hair is unmanagable thick and curly.

So luckily I have an amazing dad who has an Amazing Hair Care Company.. AMARGAN (help if i spelt it right the first time) .. So I am a little biased… but their products are fricking amazing. Especially their oil which I was in desperate need of this morning.

How else would I go from this


IMG_2948 IMG_2947

to this


It makes doing my hair that much easier.

Sundays Outfit of The Day

IMG_3060 IMG_3062

Face of the Day


Today we went for a drive to Milton Keynes and then vegged out watching The Matrix followed by a lovely roast dinner.

Peace out Loves ‚̧

Posted in Plus size Fashion

Two Nights. Two Parties. Two Hangovers. Two Dresses.

So this weekend I have been very busy.

With a night clubbing with my Boyfriend, His friends and my friends  which was a very messy night, and my friends dads 50th to celebrate I have got two dresses to show you!

And lots of pictures to show you!

Friday Night!! 

Friday Night

I LOVE this dress. However… it is VERY short and if your wearing your Bridget Jones pants be careful! you will find yourself constantly adjusting your skirt to not show the woman’s worst kept secret… well actually might be a good thing that they are there so your not uncovering the other secret ūüėČ

I am wearing this in a size 16. I think I would of gotten a Size 18 as the girls felt abit squished and I could do with a bit more length.

Get the dress here  (it also comes in Ivory РMight be my next purchase)

GirliesGroup Shot :) friends


dress bitch 11025171_10153628225061978_5555629193619079795_n

I am not gonna lie.. I recycled this dress!

I wore this NYE.

I love this dress. It is my favorite style.

The skater dress is a flattering style on me. This material is quite heavy so there are no Marilyn Monroe moments!

Unfortunately they no longer stock it on

me and the boyf

‚̧ Harley Anne